Every now and again I get ideas for columns that sound fantastic in my head and I file them away in my Be Sure To Write About That Later drawer.  Then when I go to sit down and flesh them out into a few hundred words I come up colder than a witch’s titty in an ice storm.  So I figured I’d string a couple of these items together for you via the tried and true Quick Quips…

  • Have you seen Britney Spears lately?  She’s swollen like a bunch of bees stung her face while simultaneous looking dried up like a raisin.  I definitely do not aspire to this site becoming some Hollywood rag that picks apart the stars of yester-year, but I just saw her picture the other day and did a double take.  This is no longer the girl whose 18th birthday I went out to celebrate in college (despite her physically being a few thousand miles away at the time).  We’re essentially the same age and while I like to think I’ve had my fun in life I’d say she wears her thirty years a bit more roughly than I.  I know she’s had her rough spells in the past but I was under the impression that her manager/boyfriend was finally keeping her out of trouble.  Apparently trouble can be found in a salon and avoided at a Country Buffet.  How the mighty have fallen.  Maybe she needs a third tribute week on Glee to really get her priorities straight.
  • Since we’re on the topic of celebrity however, I think these videos that Jerry Seinfeld is putting together as part of a series called Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee are brilliant.  This is how you move on from uber-celebrity status.  Pick some passion projects and things that may interest only you and enjoy what you do.  When you’re that good, chances are there are nuggets of awesomeness tucked into most everything you touch.

  •  I don’t even have a bit here.  I just find this fascinating.  How bizarre.  On second thought, I take that first sentence back.  I do have a bit: How about that sister in the back seat?  I think she’s worth stopping traffic for, but how would you know?  She could be the Iranian Kim Kardashian but we don’t know what else is going on under that burka.  There have to be some very strange (read: disappointing) wedding nights in cultures where you don’t see the final product until you buy it.  It’s like those campy 70s game shows except everyone has to go home with whatever is in the box.

  • I watched a life altering show on Sunday night and I now have something to confess…  I think mermaids may be real.  I’ll give you a second to breathe that in.  This show Mermaids: The Body Found  is a full two hour documentary claiming that mermaid bodies have been found and hidden by the government.  Corny I know.  I’m not a big conspiracy guy to begin with as I believe we as humans are too flawed to collectively keep secrets, particular one that at least a handful of people would have to be in on at minimum, for longer than the holiday season.  With that said think about the following facts (assuming you find credence in Darwinism and evolution):
    • Our closest relatives are apes and yet humans have less hair (streamlined for swimming)
    • We have a more flexible spine than apes as well (again, a plus when swimming)
    • We have webbing between our fingers and toes while they do not
    •  We’re the only land mammal that can hold its breath
    •  A human child instinctively holds its breath when submerged under water while chimps and gorillas would drown automatically

Basically if you do nothing else, fast forward to the 0:34 mark of the third video below for a much more eloquent case for why the evolution of our ancestors may not solely have been tied to the African savannah. 

If we suckers who stuck to the land were able to develop cars and planes, cities and culture, what’s to say that a different sector of the same group didn’t take to the water full time and submerge themselves in an aquatic lifestyle?  I know it sounds crazy but watch these videos and tell me that you’re not at least a little bit intrigued.  I’ve searched DirecTV and can’t find when the movie is going to be on again but asasuming it will be, please let me know as I want to watch it a third time.  Mermaids.  Crazy right? 

As a side note, I would absolutely call my career a success if I had a regular gig being an actor for Discovery Channel, Animal Planet, and History Channel documentaries.  Who gets to play the Cro-Magnon men in these shows?  What does that pay?  Do you need to have a SAG card to be cast for the part?  These are the things I want to know…