With the NBA season kicking off on Tuesday and the Bulls having high expectations attached to them heading into the year, I thought it a good time to break out the primer to getting your wife and/or girlfriend to find watching their games with you enjoyable at best and tolerable at worst.  If your loved one is anything like mine, the key is to get them emotionally invested in the individual players and their stories.  You need to find a way to summarize your favorite team(s) players as US Weekly would.  Without further ado, let me introduce your 2013-14 Chicago Bulls to your WAG, you can thank me later.

Derrick Rose – There’s not much to say here that they don’t already know assuming your lover has not been hiding under a rock this past year and a half.  Chicago’s prodigal son tore his ACL in the 2012 playoffs and sat out all of last season to allow it to heal despite doctors saying he could have come back as early as last February.  Our fair city was divided last spring as to how angry to get at Derrick for not pushing himself to get back sooner.  Some took the stance that he should re-join the team as soon as he was cleared by the doctors, while others (myself included) knew that last season’s team was a collection of overachievers who were not put together with a championship in mind and Derrick was wise to ensure his return came at 100% this season.  Regardless, he’s back now and reportedly better than ever – including adding 4 inches to his vertical jump.  What your WAG will care about is that Derrick blows a kiss to his mom in his personal skybox at one end of the court before every home game, he’s now part owner of the Giordano’s pizza, and these picture exist.

Jimmy Butler – Speaking of pictures, I think this is one Jimmy would like to take back.  That aside (he’s apologized profusely for making a poor decision in wearing that shirt since) Jimmy’s story is rather remarkable.  Have your WAG read this and I defy them to not have a new favorite player on the team.  Who doesn’t love Jimmy Buckets? 

Luol Deng – Luol has been with the Bulls for ten years now.  Ten!  Boy how time flies.  His contract is up at the end of this year and it will be very interesting to see what the Bulls do with him as his situation will dictate the direction of the organization.  If they re-sign him at some point this season (or after) then it means they like the core they have and this cast of characters is going to be around for the foreseeable future.  If they let Deng walk at the end of the year or trade him then expect a major shakeup of the roster as the team re-tools around Rose, Butler, and Noah in the years to come.  Not allowing Butler to fully take all of his steam, it’s important to remember where Deng came from as well.  Add in the subplot of the Bulls doctors botching a spinal tap on Deng during the playoffs last spring which might play a teensy role in his relationship with the organization going forward.

Joakim Noah – What’s there to say that hasn’t been said?  His dad is a famous tennis player/musician in France and his mom is a Swedish model.  That’s win-win in my book.

Carlos Boozer – This may be our last year with Carlos as well.  Aside from having his marriage ruined by former Bachelor contestant Michelle Money and his somehow thinking a generous application of hair black would be a good idea, he’s a pretty good guy… Well, aside from the fact that he reneged on a deal with Cleveland’s former owner (who happens to be blind) back in 2004.  The owners of Cleveland need to stop writing letters to the public for the record.

Kirk Hinrich – Everyone’s favorite Iowa farm boy was taken seventh overall by the Bulls in the loaded 2003 that produced LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Carmelo Anthony, and a bunch of other guys that technically have quite a bit more talent than Kirk.  With that said, Kirk came back to the Bulls last season after they moved he and his contract on back in the summer of 2010 when they made a run at bringing LeBron and/or Wade to Chicago once again.  Hinrich came back to the Bulls however with one unique distinction – he’s the only player that Derrick Rose openly recruited.  Per Rose, Hinrich is the hardest guard he had faced in the league and thus he wanted him on his team rather than playing for the competition.  So Kirk’s got that going for him.

Taj Gibson – Born on the rough streets of Brooklyn, Gibson continues the long line of Bulls players with tough backgrounds and solid work ethics.   He’s reportedly put on 15 lbs of muscle this off season and per coach Thibodeau , Gibson may have been the best player in training camp this fall.

Mike Dunleavy Jr. – This season’s only free agent addition, Dunleavy is the son of perhaps the most miserable NBA head coach in recent NBA history and he also played his college ball at Duke.  Basically there’s not a lot to like here.

Nazr Mohammed – He’s into both Bikram and hot yoga.  It’s always good to find things your WAG has in common with the players.

Tony Snell – This year’s rookie du jour, Snell is another kid coming from a tough environment (inner city LA) who is known for his work ethic on and off the court.  Also, he looks a lot like Omar from HBO’s The Wire and Omar is a bad mother…

Marquis Teague – A very under-valued asset on this team in my humble opinion.  Teague torched the Las Vegas Summer League this year and would play a lot more for any team that didn’t have Derrick Rose ahead of him on the depth chart.  Look for Teague to impress when given an opportunity this year.  He also has a brother – Jeff – who plays for Atlanta.  So there’s that.

Erik Murphy – The Bulls 2nd round pick in the Draft shares a name with a character from Entourage.  What else do you need?  And they’re now officially coming out with an Entourage movie!?  Everything is coming up Erik Murphy these days.

Mike James – He’s 38 years old making him the fourth oldest player in the league.  If your WAG ever sees him on the screen it means that something has gone terribly wrong or the Bulls are so far ahead that it’s probably a good idea to change the channel anyways.

So there you have it.  Your 2013-14 NBA Championship contender Bulls wrapped up in a nice little package that can make sharing the experience of their forthcoming season a festive event that the whole family can get behind.  When they’re playing a meaningless road game in Memphis in February and your wife doesn’t make you change the channel to Dancing With The Stars please feel free to drop me a little thank you note.