On Friday night I went to see Gravity with a buddy of mine and I must say, my mind was blown.  It’s an incredibly ambitious project that defies the conventional structure of the three act narrative on which American cinema is based.  There are only two characters and a whole lot of space for the duration of the film.  With that said it is perhaps the only movie that I can think of, which I can say with 100% confidence, that is dramatically improved through 3D glasses.  It’s absolutely fantastic… as long as you do not have a heart condition.

To say that Gravity is suspenseful is akin to saying Kanye West has a high opinion of himself.  Director Alfonso Cuarón uses the first fifteen minutes of the picture to jam in just about all the character backstory that you’ll need and then basically shit starts to go wrong.  I mean REALLY wrong.  Wrong to the extent that I truly believe the movie was named after the incorrect law of nature.  It more aptly should have been titled Murphy’s.  Basically if it could go bad it did for the entire 91 minute run time.  If you took a drink every time the worst possible outcome of a given scenario played out, you would never know how the movie ends because you’d blackout in your seat every single time.  I don’t know that it fully warrants a **SPOILER ALERT** but I would have been very impressed with the end product if it concluded with Ms. Bullock taking her first gulp of air upon entering the first space station.  That was a third of the way through the film.

I’ll be honest, I had to look up the length of the movie to write the paragraph above and I was floored to learn I only spent an hour and a half of my life consuming it.  I would think anyone who has seen the movie would agree with me.  It’s unique style of grabbing your adrenaline gland and pinching it a little tighter with each scene that passes makes the viewing experience much like a stressful marathon. 

Frankly it got comical and I started laughing at the unfortunate travesties as they unfolded by the end.  Literally every situation unfurled in its worst possible iteration.  When you pepper in some of the hokiness of a script that clearly took a back seat to the visual graphics budget, one could make a case that Trey Parker and Matt Stone could have fun with Gravity and some puppets, but I digress.

Also, I couldn’t stop asking myself the following:

  • Who has these conversations in space?  
  • How is it possible that none of these characters have thrown up in their helmet?   
  • Is this based on a true story? 

On the upside however the movie truly is shot beautifully and it’s an amazing testament to the human spirit.  There are easily about seventeen different times where I consciously thought to myself, at this point I’d just quit, and yet our protagonist carried on.  Believe it or not, it actually got me thinking about the Bears predicament.

Basically everything that could have gone wrong for the Bears here of late has.  The middle of their defensive line has had their collective ACLs pop, Peppers disappeared, McClellin never showed up, Conte & Wright are getting exposed, Tillman can’t stay on the field, Culter tore his groin, Lance Briggs screwed up his shoulder, and from the outside looking in the team is ready to collapse on itself.  In many ways they’re not all that unlike Sandra Bullock in space.  You have every reason to count them out at this point, as you rightly should, but there is a chance, a small chance that this is the Bears’ “darkest before the dawn” moment. 

Think about it, things on defense can’t exactly get worse right now.  They’re on a franchise record pace for yardage against and points allowed.  So perhaps this is the perfect time for a breath of fresh air on that side of the ball.  Enter Jon Bostic and Khaseem Greene.  If one or both of them can make a splash on Monday Night Football it could just be the shot of tequila this team needs.  Remember Bostic’s pick-six on Cam Newton in the first pre-season game or his hit on that poor Chargers wide receiver in the third?  He’s got it in him. 

All I’m saying is that the team that takes the field tonight is doing so with zero expectations.  It is from here that good things may come.  Much as a forest becomes healthier after a fire, when the light is able to reach the new seedlings and they begin to expand and grow anew, this may be the opportunity for the defensive unit to reverse its fortunes.  The Packers are as hobbled on the offensive side of the ball as the Bears are on defense so perhaps they play each other to a draw.  If the Bears can pull a victory out at Lambeau tonight then they will have earned themselves the biggest injection of confidence that you can get your hands on this side of Tijuana.  Perhaps things begin to snowball from there and as players like Briggs and Culter come back from their various injuries they act as essential free agent pickups giving the team boosts along the way.  If history has taught us anything it’s that the first ten weeks of the football season is just a war of attrition.  You can’t win the Super Bowl in September thru November but you sure as hell can lose it.  Look at Atlanta.  The flip side of that argument is that rare is the season when the team that looks the best when the weather is warm is the one still standing in February.  You need to build to a crescendo in the National Football League and the Bears technically have an opportunity to be “adding” pieces as the season moves along, in theory improving along the way. 

Will all of those things happen for the Bears… of course not, don’t be silly.  I think the Packers and their new found ground game with Eddie Lacy are going to have their way with any team that brings Josh McCown to Lambeau as their leader.  Aaron Rodgers is still Aaron Rodgers after all, and it really doesn’t matter who’s on the receiving end of his passes – they’re going to be open and the ball will hit them in stride.  Thus the Bears fall to 4-4, all hell breaks loose in Bear Nation and we all collectively overact and start talking about tanking the rest of the season to improve the team’s draft position.  The air will get sucked out of our the fan bases’ sails faster than schrapnel from a satellite can make swiss cheese of an international space station in zero gravity.  I’m mean come on, we’re in Chicago after all.

Prediction: Green Bay 30 – Bears 17

Bears Record: 4-3

Chi-Guy Record: 6-1