So The Wife and I are building a new home this year.  I knew this process was going to incorporate some learning experiences along the way but my eyes were opened this past weekend as we began the deep dive into the project.  We went shopping for plumbing fixtures.  There are apparently whole stores dedicated to the handles and faucets that you and I have learned to take for granted all these years.

While I can understand the difference in a sink that has one knob or two, where my mental capacity is maxed appears to be behind the curtain of the commode however.  I guess that I’ve never given too much thought to the throne upon which I perch.  For me a toilet is the kind of thing that you know if you’re on a bad one but otherwise they all are generally the same.

What I learned on Saturday is that some bowls are elongated while others are rounded off (most often to conserve space).  Some tanks are attached while others are separate pieces.  Some are beveled and others more squared.  There are all sorts of toilets in the world, this we all knew, but what I never gave a second thought to is the fact that they all have a name.

The naming of inanimate objects has never really made sense to me.  I don’t name my cars, my putters, nor my homesteads.  It’s just never seemed like a logical thing to do.  Having lived in the business word I can appreciate the concept of naming a product line however.  It just struck me funny in the realization that someone’s full time job, for which they earn an honest day’s pay, entails applying pronouns to porcelain.  I could do this job!

Take a look at this link.  There’s nothing specifically funny about it on the surface but scroll through it once again.  Do the names of each model tickle your funny bone just a little?  Does a seat on a Santa Rosa sound like a relationship you’d like to endure for the next twenty to forty years?  How about turning to the Devonshire to drop your next deuce?   Perhaps you’re more of a Rialto man or a Cimarron chica?  I’m sorry if it’s immature but I couldn’t help but giggle as our lovely sales representative highlighted the merits of a Wellworth over the memories you’ll make on a Memoirs.

The whole concept made me think about this classic Mr. Show sketch which in turn pretty much ruined the rest of my shopping experience…

As I said, everyone needs to make a living and there’s a job for just about everything that you can think of in this crazy mixed up world of ours.  But if beginning our search in the bathroom fixtures already has me swallowing my smirks, well then we’re in for a long and bumpy road my friends as this housing project picks up the pace.