Pardon me if this post is a bit askew, I’m distracted.  Between being in full fantasy football prep mode and trying to understand half of what’s going on with the MTV Video Music Awards (they still make videos?) my attentions are elsewhere.  With that said I feel the need to still provide for the faithful readers and thus I present you some random thoughts and questions from the pop culture and fantasy football world Quick Quips style…

  • How big are Adele’s hands?  Those things are paws
  • I’ve come to the conclusion that every fantasy draft this year is going to break based on when two players are drafted – Mike Vick and Chris Johnson.  With Vick you are playing with fire as he’s probably not going to give you a full 16 game schedule due to injury, but if you can get a solid 11 games from him?  Oh, those will be a sweet 11 games.  For Chris Johnson on the otherhand it all boils down to his holdout.  How long can this uneducated kid from rural Florida, who runs with the ball like he stole it, go without a paycheck?  He’s got to sign before the season right?  If he does he’s a top 3 pick, if he’s still holding out as Week 1 arrives how high of a draft pick are you willing to gamble on him?
  • Lady Gaga sent Roberto Luongo to the VMAs in her stead this year.
  • Didn’t Lady Gaga’s people tell her that the alternate personality thing doesn’t exactly work in the music business?  She should have spoken with Chris Gaines and Sasha Fierce before undertaking this project
  • I want nothing to do with players from the following offenses on my fantasy team this year: Miami, Cincinnati, San Francisco & Carolina.  There are a handful of situations where I only want one guy off a roster as well (i.e. Larry Fitzgerald in Arizona).  If you can eliminate crap offenses before you even start picking then you’re starting out ahead of the game.  There’s nothing worse than reaching Week 8 and your hopes are pinned on three of the Buffalo Bills having career games just to be competitive.
  • MTV goes without a host for the show this year.  Controversial?  While it sounds a bit radical (mission accomplished MTV) I’ve got to say it’s a good idea for all award shows going forward.  You may have a vague recollection of Billy Crystal doing a good job handing out Academy Awards (he did it a total of eight times) but his prime years were in the Nineties.  It pains me to say it but that was twenty years ago.  Ricky Gervais killed at the Golden Globes this year but everyone gets to drink there so it doesn’t really count.  Long story short, there haven’t been many good hosts of any awards shows in a  number of years so why not just axe them completely?  Have a comedian open and give you five good minutes then just roll out presenters.  Put the time poured into those forced “Host” bits around the commercial breaks into more music or just shorten the program by that amount of time. Everybody wins.   
  • My 2011 Fantasy Football Sleepers (“Sleeper” being defined as players who will be available in the last rounds of your draft or go undrafted entirely):
    • Mark Clayton (STL-WR) – The St. Louis wide receiver was silently killing it last year hooking up with his former Sooner buddy in Sam Bradford before he tore his ACL.  That chemistry doesn’t go away.  Clayton hasn’t been getting drafted in most leagues this year.
    • Tony Moeaki (KC-TE) – Partially I think KC’s offense is going to be worse this year with their having a harder schedule and they’ll have more dump-off passes to the tight end, and partially because every time I see his name I think it should be pronounced moe-e-o-key which is fun to say.
    • Rashad Jennings (JAX-RB) – Maurice Jones-Drew is getting hurt this year, I’m calling it now.  Call it the Cutler Karma.  Jennings will be the beneficiary.
    • Earl Bennett (CHI-WR) – He’s the best wide receiver on the Bears and it’s not even close.  Look for the famous Third Year Wide Receiver Jump as well
    • Jerome Harrison (DET-RB) – The dude is good but can’t find anyone who will give him the reigns.  If you recall he won a lot of people their fantasy league as recently as 2009 when he just exploded in the last quarter of the season for Cleveland.  This year as a free agent he chose wisely and will backup Jahvid Best in Detroit.  Jahvid gets hurt as often as I get gas after eating chorizo
    • Greg Olsen (TE-CAR) – Their quarterbacks suck and bad quarterbacks look for their tight ends to dump the ball off to.  The Carolina offensive coordinator also was his coach at the University of Miami and may or may not have a shirtless poster of Greg on his wall by all accounts.  He’ll see a lot of balls this year.  He’s kind of like Nicki Minaj in that respect.
  • Props to Jay-Z for not standing for Chris Brown’s performance.  This guy beat the crap out of Rhianna two years ago.  We’re that much of a “what-have-you-done-for-me-lately” culture that we’re ready to forget/forgive him for that already?  I could care less how he can dance and how well auto-tune can hide his voice.  You’re out in my book Christopher.
  • Between MTV advertising Plan B OneStep (the morning after pill) and having a show called “Teen Moms” where trailer trash gets in fights and cry because their life is ruined by having a child, do you feel MTV is glorifying teen pregnancy or trying to bring to the foreground the downside of these predicaments to teenagers?  It’s weird that they throw it in your face so much that I’m sure religious groups everywhere are up in arms, but I bet someone in an MTV office would argue that they’re trying to scare kids straight.  With that said our society looks up to Kate Gosselin and Paris Hilton.  Basically we’re idiots.  Not cool MTV. 
  • Good to see Kim Kardashian cut her honeymoon short so she could be on TV for 13 seconds to present an award tonight.  Glad your priorities are in the right place Kim.
  • I’ll save myself a lot of lawyer fees over plagiarism and just point you toward Matthew Berry’s Draft Day Manifesto for my approach this year on draft night.  This guy knows more about fantasy football than Ryan Seacrest does about being a douche bag.
  • Props to Brittney Spears for resisting the urge to make out with Lady Gaga on stage.  It would be a little cliché at this point, no? Especially on national TV.   If my grandmother reads that last sentence she will think I was heavily under the influence or writing this from the year 2050.  Only one of those assumptions would be correct.
  • If I’ve never heard of any of the musicians up for Best New Artist I’m still cool right?  MTV is the one that’s wrong here.
  • A little off topic but The Situation knocking himself out by slamming his head into a wall to avoid fighting Ronnie has to be the single biggest disappointment in television this year.  MTV basically milked three good weeks of hype out of that encounter and delivered nothing.  Also, with Bin Laden dead and the #2 guy within Al Qaeda reportedly being killed this weekend, I think our special forces need to turn there attention to ending the whole Ronnie/Sammi relationship once and for all.  Use lethal force if necessary. 
  • Congrats to Beyoncé and Jay-Z for having a bun in the oven.  If that baby comes out white I will not submit my DNA for a paternity test.  Much like a Tootsie Pop the world will never know…